wtf the fuck at all of these posts i’m seeing on my dash defending outright emotional manipulation and abuse in friendships/relationships in general.
if you are at a point in your relationship with someone where:
- they are openly (however passive aggressively) jealous about you spending time with people who aren’t them
- they demand your attention above everyone else’s, or above other things you have going on in your life
- they force you to fulfil a quota of communication with them every day, like communication with them is something you owe them instead of something that should com naturally for both of you
- you have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid making them angry at you
- they refuse to apologise for treating you badly becuase they ‘can’t help’ it
- you feel guilty doing things that aren’t talking to them in case it upsets them
- if you are generally interacting them out of a perceived obligation or fear of upsetting them rather than a genuine desire to speak to them
- A MULTITUDE of really unhealthy shit
that is not healthy. that is not a sign of a healthy friendship. stop defending this shit.
have you heard of bpd or hpd and have you ever thought that theyre mental illnesses and maybe you should help people through those problems instead of outright criticizing them. perhaps
no honestly fuck off with that shit please
I get what you’re saying, I do, but I think you’re grossly misunderstanding the original post.
The nature of someone’s mental or emotional condition can better explain why they might behave a certain way, but it STILL doesn’t excuse their behavior. Abuse can come from anyone, mentally ill or not, and no explanation for this abuse makes it ok.
Nobody is invalidating the fact that personality disorders and similar disorders effect the behavior of individuals that have them, and I certainly don’t think OP’s intention is to tell people to ignore the struggles they face.
I think OP’s point is that if you are in a relationship (of any degree; romantic, platonic, familial) where you feel unhappy, unsafe, used, etc., you have a full right to recognize unhealthy behavior when you experience it. You don’t have an obligation to stay by someone’s side if they mistreat you just because they struggle with a disability or disorder. Even if someone really, truly cannot control themselves, you should not feel guilty about leaving them for your own health and wellbeing.
Abuse is abuse, no matter who it comes from.
This is all solid, and I would add one note that if you have a friend that is treating you this way AND you want to try to salvage the relationship, you should talk to them about how you feel. If they still refuse to acknowledge their bad behavior and apologize for its impact on you or make excuses for it, then cut them loose because you don’t need that in your life. No one tells you how to break up with friends or end unhealthy friendships, but it’s just as important, if not more so, as learning how to get out of bad romantic relationships. Take care of yourselves!